My father’s alcoholism
was the root cause of my family’s interpersonal problems. There were several
in his family who became violent when drinking. We were afraid that my father
would also develop the same tendencies. Each evening my parents would
fight at the dinner table and cause our meal times to be unpleasant. The hearts
of my family members who awaited his return from a night out drinking was very dark.
In the midst of this family
atmosphere, I put forth much effort in reading people’s facial expressions to try to figure out what they were thinking. Since I was afraid that adults would say that doing this was unbecoming to a child,
I trained myself to hide my feelings despite of what I was experiencing.
My mother was very uncertain
of her parenting abilities in this type of home environment. She even shared
with one of my teachers at a parent teacher conference one time about her lack of confidence in childrearing. This teacher happened to be a Christian, although she had not been to church for a while. It is not as if all of my mother’s problems went away with this encounter, or that she shared all
of the problems within her family. But this teacher felt concern for us and remembered
our difficulties for months to come. It was about one and a half years later,
after I had moved up to the next class and had a new teacher, that my mother received a letter from this former homeroom teacher. It was an invitation to go to church.
Since the invitation came from such a wonderful teacher and in appreciation for her thinking about us even though I
was no longer in her class, my mother thought, “Just this one time we will go out of appreciation for her.” It was with these thought that we entered the doors of the church for the first time.
I heard later that my teacher
had showed a composition that I had written to some of the members of the church so that they would know a little of our background
before we visited. I still remember distinctly how the people we met there for
the first time were received us warmly with open hearts. Even though our initial
visit was out of obligation, my mother grasped the warmth close to her heart and like a dry sponge takes in water, began absorbing
the words of the Bible and was eventually saved. It was obvious to us children
that our mother had found a great, invincible grape vine and that she had decided to walk according to Gods words in the Bible
from which she had found overwhelming comfort. My father also saw the change
that took place in my mother and at first, with trepidation, began attending church.
We began earnestly praying
for the salvation of my grandfather when he was diagnosed with cancer. Listening
to my grandfather make a profession of faith on his deathbed convinced my father to decide to be baptized. We children joyfully watched, with anticipation, as my parents changed drastically and my family’s
interpersonal relationships began to make a turn for the better. There
was no question about the fact that there was a power present which changed the adults in our lives but I had not experienced
that power for myself yet.
I personally did not have
any qualms about God being Christ. I can’t remember exactly when I started
doing this, but when my home was in disarray, I would pray concerning my desires in my bed at night to all of the gods whose
names I knew. I just added Christ’s name in there with the rest. I didn’t know which of the gods would be the most beneficial to me.
Of these gods, the God of the Bible seemed the most real to me. It was
reassuring to me to think that there was a Supreme God.
I was directly confronted
with God’s strength in a surprising way when I began being bullied in sixth grade. Six of my classmates with whom I
had been friends with up until that time suddenly began to ignore me. After about
a month of this, I drastically changed the path that I took to school each day so that I would not have to meet up with them. I tried with all of my might to avoid them.
I tried to pretend that nothing was happening and didn’t show any of these emotions on my face as talked to my
other friends, but the bullying began to escalate.
The teacher who went to
the church I attended, was the first person I confided my situation to. She wrote
me in a letter that God would not give me a trial which was too great to bear and that I needed to share what was on my heart
with my parents and ask God to help me through it. Thinking back on this experience, I believe it was the first time I was
taught to pray. I realized that I could ask God for things important to me—that
I could express my weaknesses to God. Weakness that I would not even share with
my own mother could be shared in prayer with Him. In the midst of this, God gave
me a verse, “You are precious in my sight.” (Isa. 43:4)
God understood me more that
I did, more that my parents did. God is the One who truly accepted me for what
I am. At the point of this great realization, I was saved.
After a while, the target
of the bullying became someone else and I was given a new group of friends. There
is a God without a doubt and just as he touched my parents, God also touched my heart.
I was baptized at the end
of my second year in junior high. Before our line of work deteriorated all together,
my parents decided to change jobs. Just when I was trying to decide which direction
I wanted to pursue in furthering my education, my parents where trying to figure out how to pay the weekly bills. My focus of prayer during that time was not what major I would pursue or what would happen in my future,
but in giving it all to the Lord in prayer.
I prayed to the Lord, “
You took my weakness and my sin upon yourself on the cross and was raised three days later.
For the remainder of my life I desire for you, my Savior, to guide my path. I
believe in you.” In that instant I had peace that God would direct
my future. I made a profession of faith and was baptized.
Proverbs 16:1-3 “To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue. All a man’s ways seem innocent to him but the motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.”
Since that time I have gone
to high school, college, joined the work force, changed jobs, and married. I
was freed from my tendency to judge people by their outward expressions while trying to hide my own weaknesses. I try to keep Christ in my sights. I continue to try to discipline
myself to know and be obedient to Christ’s desires foremost in my heart and keep His gospel as the foundation of my
actions.
I am now married and my
days are full with child-raising responsibilities. I am thankful that I live
in this neighborhood so that I can attend the parenting class at this church and attend cell.
I came upon this church
when I was out taking a walk with my husband one evening. When I looked up I
saw there was a lighted cross in the distance. “There it is!” I decided right then and there to visit. I
had visited several churches in the area but felt that there was something lacking in each of them. I was wondering what I could do. I am confident of God’s
leading here and desire to be included in the fellowship of brothers and sister in Christ as I grow in Christ here.